2011’s Dumbest Criminals

Tampa Bay Online has published the annual list of Dumbest Criminals. The list, which was published December 29, includes a man arrested for stealing boa constrictors, a man who stuffed live lobsters down his cargo shorts, and a bank robber who provided the teller with two forms of identification. A summary of the top ten is:

10. A man arrested in Spain June 9 allegedly curled himself up in a large suitcase that was placed in an airport bus cargo bay and sneaked out to steal from other people’s luggage.

We have a quadruple tie for No. 9, as four would-be crooks tried to use their pants to stash their booty … well, more booty,

First, in February, police said an Avon Park man was found with two packages of ground beef, a container of chili powder and cumin, two containers of whipped cream and a bag of ground coffee that had been stashed in his trousers.

Then, in August, Arizona man was caught trying to steal several baby albino boa constrictors at a pet store by stuffing them down his pants.

In September, an apparently brave man in southern Mississippi tried to walk out of a grocery store without paying for food items he’d stuffed into his cargo shorts – including live lobsters.

And finally, a Brazilian man pleaded guilty in September to trying to smuggle python and tortoise babies in his pants.

8. What would you think if a man dressed up like Gumby walked in and told you he was robbing you? When this happened to a Southern California convenience store clerk Sept. 5, he thought it was a joke. Gumby then tried to prove it was for real by producing a gun, but the gloves on his costume foiled him. After dropping some change, Gumby fled, empty handed.

7. On Aug. 24, Ohio police cracked the case of the missing police memorial flags. It turned out a squirrel had been stealing them and making a nest.

6. A southeastern Pennsylvania woman was accused June 28 of assaulting her 9-year-old grandson and blasting him in the face with a garden hose because he ate too much bacon.

5. Authorities say on Oct. 6, a North Carolina woman mistakenly texted a deputy to sell drugs.

4. On April 27, a man running out of a Lake Wales convenience store with two cases of beer tripped on his baggy jeans. The scene was captured on video, and a suspect was likewise captured four months later.

3. Authorities in Montana say a man who had three outstanding warrants for his arrest gave officers a false name during a Jan. 11 traffic stop — but ended up in custody anyway because that man was also wanted.

2. A bank robber was asked by a Dallas teller to provide two forms of identification before she could give him money. Fortunately, he was carrying some. Fortunately for police, that is.

1. Police in Pennsylvania say they stopped a car May 13 with four people and a bag of marijuana, but they didn’t know who it belonged to. That is, until one of the suspects asked, “Can I have my weed back?”

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